Fragmented Wishes

“Sometimes, to do the right thing, we must keep a promise we never made.” But this promise was professed right by my mother’s dying bed—the commitment to be the first female doctor in my village. A dying wish, I’m afraid, is currently on the verge of shattering.

Mama, a young widow, fought tooth and nail to keep food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. She never toyed with providing us with a good education. Her motivation was to see her two children succeed, and we encouraged her by excelling in our studies. She was particularly proud of me, saying I was more intelligent than she would ever be, and was content with that.

“Pearls come from dirt,” she would say. Hence, it didn’t matter that I didn’t attain much in life; nevertheless, you both must do better.” Unfortunately, death claimed her before she could see the fulfillment of her dreams.

Timini, my elder brother, took on responsibilities after Mama’s demise. He vowed to make Mama’s dream a reality. It was hard to believe Timini was only four years older than me, as he acted beyond his years. The fact that he had to shoulder so many responsibilities at the young age of nineteen contributed to his forced maturity and pragmatic outlook on life.

True to his promise, he took over the family farm, toiled all day on the farm, and traded the farm produce on market days. All Timini ever demanded from me was to study hard to make Mama proud and make her sacrifices worthwhile. My brother put his life dreams on hold to cultivate mine. If selflessness were a person, Timini would be it.

One would think I was smart enough to do the one thing required. It turns out I was only book-smart, unfortunately street-dumb. Well, I tried. I studied as I should with impeccable grades until a disaster breezed into the village from the city.

Dare came to stay with his uncle from the city. He was tall, dark, handsome, and oh-so-stylish, which typically made him a center of attraction for all the young girls. He only had eyes for me, and that was flattering. I became the envy of the girls in the village.

People told me I was beautiful, but I never thought much of it until Dare filled my head with so much flattery that my head floated in space. I was so enamored with him that I couldn’t refuse any of his requests, and I blamed it on my innocence and naivety.

At first, my liaison with Dare did nothing to my studies; however, gradually, my grades dipped. It didn’t help that Dare was not so keen on school. He planned to manage his father’s business in the city when he grew older.

Sometimes, I wondered why I perceived Dare as much younger than Timini despite being older by a year. I later learned that Dare had good looks and aesthetics but needed maturity and reliability. There is no basis for comparing the two because Dare was self-absorbed, and Timini was altruistic.

“Is it true that you are seeing the new boy?” Timini asked as we sat on the mat in our lantern-lit hut, enjoying a quiet evening as we ate supper. The question was so unexpected that my heart did a double take in my chest. I almost choked on the morsel of fufu that was on its way to my stomach.

“Hmm-hmm,” I cleared my throat before answering, “Seeing?” I chuckled nervously. “Not at all, we are just friends, I sometimes help him out with mathematics.”

Timini stared at me unwaveringly, juggling my expression and response.

I looked blankly at him, trying my best to give nothing away. He must have been satisfied with my demeanor; he nodded and continued eating before speaking again. “Please be careful; you can’t trust boys from the city. Remember your promise to Mama, Talia.”

Guilt squeezed my heart in my chest as I lied unblinkingly to Timini.

He put his other hand into his torn trousers and gave me a few folded bills. “This is for your exam registration,” he said.

“The registration is not closing for another two months. We can still use it to buy the bicycle you have always wanted; it will make market runs easier for you.”

“No! You know how Mama was, about your studies. Keep it and pay for your exams.”  I hugged my brother and swore to make him proud.

I knew I was in trouble when Dare requested that I lend money to him. I could not fathom how he detected that I had it with me. I wasn’t going to give it to him, but he kept rambling on and on about how he was in desperate need and that he would return it in a few days. Dare sure knew how to get his way if he needed something. I could not extricate myself from the power he wielded over me. Since he would return it in days, I still have enough time to pay for my school leaving certificate examination. I gave him my money and the precious gift of my innocence.

Days turned into weeks, and Dare was nowhere to be found. I went to his uncle’s house in despair and desperation, especially when I discovered I had missed my period for the month, only to find the doors locked. A neighbor told me that Dare and his uncle had gone on an urgent visit to the city. My heart plummeted when I heard the news.
How could I have been so foolish as to ignore my brother’s warnings?
Oh, how foolish I was to be sidetracked by a city charm?
I not only shattered my dreams but my brother’s.
I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in Timini’s eyes when he discovered that his sister was not so intelligent after all. The only way to end this is to end it all, or is it?